Big Boys Don't Cry

By Sally Cross, Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Therapeutic Coach, & Writer.

Why must we stop shaming men for being human?

I recently came across a post on social media. It listed ten supposedly hard truths about men, all pointing to the idea that kindness, patience, softness, and emotional expression make a man weak, used, or disrespected. The message ended with: “Remember this and apply accordingly.”

It hit a nerve.

Because this is precisely the kind of outdated, fear-based thinking I’m working to dismantle, especially with the imminent launch of my new book on intimacy and emotional connection.

Let’s be clear: these kinds of messages are not wisdom. They don’t protect men; they shrink them. They teach men to fear softness, to suppress emotion, and to equate power with ruthlessness.

Here’s the truth:

Kindness is not a weakness.

Patience is not a flaw.

Emotion is not shameful.

And ruthlessness? It might gain short-term compliance, but it’s more often a mask for fear than a sign of strength.

I see something very different.

I see courage in the man who dares to be vulnerable.

I see strength in the one who pauses to feel instead of react.

I see power in softness, depth in stillness, and immense self-respect in emotional honesty.

And yet, many men have been taught to disconnect from these parts of themselves. They’ve learned that to be "real men", they must armour up, stay silent, and power through. No wonder many feel isolated, unseen, or unsafe to show who they are.

We need to shift the narrative, not just for men’s emotional well-being but also for the health of our relationships, families, and communities. When men are free to access their full emotional range, they are more deeply connected as partners, lovers, fathers, sons, leaders, and friends.

So, rather than telling men they’ll be mocked for feeling, or used for being kind, let’s model a different message:

That men can be strong and sensitive.

That softness isn’t weakness, it’s presence without defence.

That respect isn’t won through fear, but through emotional maturity, integrity and truth.

It’s time to stop handing out cynical life lessons dressed up as facts.

We need to start honouring the whole man, not just the hardened parts.

To the men reading this: your emotional world is not a liability. It’s your bridge to deeper intimacy, richer connection, and lasting respect.

Let’s rewrite the rules.

Let’s evolve the narrative.

Because real men...

They do cry. They feel. They care. They love. And they are needed.