Let’s Talk About ‘You’re Not Broken’

By Sally Cross, Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Therapeutic Coach & Author.

If I had a euro for every time I saw the phrase “You’re not broken” floating around social media, I’d be writing this from a hammock in Bali.

It’s the avocado toast of self-help, everywhere, pretty to look at, but sometimes a little bland.

The intention? Lovely. No one wants you feeling defective. But here’s the rub: when your life has been turned upside down, your heart is aching, and your confidence is hiding under the duvet, those words can feel about as helpful as someone saying, “Just cheer up.”

Because when you whisper to yourself, “I feel broken,” you’re not being dramatic. You’re describing something real. Not broken like a smashed vase, but broken as in disconnected, split open, rearranged by life’s unexpected storms. And that deserves to be heard, not glossed over with a slogan.

What Does Feeling Broken Look Like?

It’s not a diagnosis, and it’s not permanent. It’s a state of being, often triggered by life’s tectonic shifts: divorce, grief, loss, betrayal, life changes, burnout, or that quiet ache of “Is this really it?”

Broken can feel like:

 Emotional fragmentation, like pieces of you no longer fit together.

 Loss of wholeness, when the old you has vanished and the new you hasn’t fully arrived.

 Shame’s whisper, that little voice saying, “You’re too much… or not enough.”

 A spiritual crack, a hollow space where purpose or meaning used to live.

If that’s you, take a breath. It’s okay. Those feelings are valid. They don’t make you weak or broken, they make you human. And being human?

It’s messy, beautiful, and sometimes heartbreakingly hard.

Why ‘You’re Not Broken’ Misses the Mark.

Here’s why that phrase can sting: it skips over the truth of your experience. It feels like someone slapping a sticker on your pain

The problem isn’t the words themselves, it’s the lack of acknowledgement before the pep talk.

When you feel cracked open, what you need isn’t denial; it’s someone saying:

“I see you. I hear you. It’s okay to feel this way.”

Here’s the Reframe.

What if being cracked didn’t mean broken, but becoming?

Think of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. The cracks aren’t hidden, they’re highlighted. The flaw becomes the feature.

The bowl isn’t less valuable; it’s more precious because of its history.

Leonard Cohen said it best:

“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

So, no, you’re not a discarded bowl in life’s bargain bin. You’re a living, breathing masterpiece with golden seams where resilience and love have worked their way in.

The Truth?

You’re not beyond repair. You’re evolving. You’re expanding in ways you can’t yet see. Feeling bent out of shape doesn’t make you less, it makes you real. And real is where connection, compassion, and yes… light comes in flooding through the cracks.

 Your Turn:

What’s one overused self-help phrase you’d happily toss in the bin?