Transforming Personal Growth from Fixing to Allowing

By Sally Cross, Author of Books & Blogs on Midlife.

Personal growth is often portrayed as a quest to become a better version of ourselves. We frequently hear phrases like "fixing ourselves", which can create an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. If there is one thing I would change about personal growth, it would be this mindset. The belief that we need to transform into something more can overshadow the beauty of who we already are.

True personal growth is about more than just mending flaws or chasing an idealised version of ourselves. It’s about allowing ourselves to be as we are, embracing our imperfections, and creating space for self-compassion. When we shift from striving to allowing, growth becomes a gentle process of unfolding rather than a race to a finish line.

The Illusion of "Fixing"

The notion that we need to "fix" ourselves is deeply rooted in our culture. We are bombarded with messages suggesting we are not enough as we are. This can lead to self-criticism and unhealthy comparison, driving us to measure our worth against unrealistic standards.

Take, for example, the rise of social media. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 54% of young adults feel pressure to be perfect based on what they see online. I know this feeling all too well. I often thought that if I could just change a few things about myself—be more disciplined, outgoing, or successful—then happiness would follow. But this mindset only led me to frustration and disappointment.

When I understood that I am not flawed, I discovered that personal growth is not about fixing imperfections but about nurturing the person I already am. This shift in perspective has been incredibly liberating.

The Power of Allowing

Allowing ourselves to be who we truly are is a powerful act of self-acceptance. It involves embracing our imperfections and acknowledging that they are part of our unique journey. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we create space for growth to occur naturally.

Mindfulness plays a crucial role in this process. It encourages us to stay present and observe our thoughts and feelings without judgement, and nurture our inner world with kindness. I have learned to cherish my journey's ups and downs as a beautiful tapestry of experiences. 💜

Embracing Imperfection

Embracing imperfection is not about being complacent; it’s about acknowledging that we are all works in progress. Each person has a unique path filled with lessons, challenges, and triumphs.

I’ve learned that my imperfections are not obstacles but opportunities for growth. They teach me resilience, empathy, and self-compassion. When I stumble, I remind myself that it’s okay to be imperfect; it’s what makes me human.

By embracing imperfection, I’ve learned to celebrate my achievements, no matter how small. Each step forward reflects my growth, and I no longer feel the need to compare myself to others.

Creating Space for Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is essential in the journey of personal growth. It allows us to treat ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a friend.

When practising self-compassion, we acknowledge our struggles without judgement. We can remind ourselves that feeling overwhelmed or uncertain is okay. Rather than pushing ourselves to "fix" these feelings, we can create room for them to exist.

Finding Freedom in Growth

When we shift our mindset from fixing to allowing, we discover a sense of freedom. We realise that our worth is not determined by achievements or progress. We are enough, just as we are.

This realisation releases the pressure to constantly strive for more. Instead, I invite you to focus on nurturing your growth at your own pace. By embracing this perspective, you too may find joy in the journey itself.

How does this resonate with you? Are you ready to embrace imperfection and allow yourself to flourish? 😊