Authenticity in Friendships: Showing Up as Your True Self

By Sally Cross. Author & Writer exploring midlife, intimacy, relationships, and the many layers of being human.

www.sallycross.com

There comes a point in midlife when you realise you’ve simply run out of energy for pretence. No more smiling politely when you’d rather scream, no more nodding along just to keep the peace. Friendships, at this stage of life, are either real… or they don’t last.

 The Cost of Shrinking Yourself:

For many years, we adapt ourselves to others. We laugh at jokes that don’t land, say yes when we mean no, and sometimes hide the parts of ourselves we fear won’t be accepted.

But here’s the problem: when we shrink ourselves to fit into a friendship, it stops being a genuine connection. We might have company, but it’s lonely company. Over time, that kind of bending and twisting erodes our sense of self.

Midlife is the perfect moment to call time on that.

 The Power of Being Real:

Authenticity doesn’t mean oversharing every detail of your life, or baring your soul to someone who hasn’t earned your trust. What it does mean is:

 Speaking your truth, even if your voice shakes.

 Saying no without guilt when something doesn’t feel right.

 Allowing yourself to be seen — flaws, quirks, and all.

 Showing up consistently, rather than conditionally.

When we are real, two things happen: some friendships fall away (because they were built on a false version of us), and others deepen in ways we could never have imagined.

 Authenticity Strengthens Bonds:

The most powerful friendships are those where you don’t have to perform. You can turn up in laughter or tears, in your best clothes or pyjamas, and know you’ll be accepted.

Being authentic also permits others to do the same. Suddenly, you’re both standing on solid ground instead of tiptoeing on eggshells.

 When Cracks Appear:

It’s not always easy. Sometimes, being authentic reveals the cracks in a friendship. Perhaps you realise the connection was built on convenience, not closeness. Maybe you’ve been carrying the relationship, and now, without the mask, the imbalance is clear.

This can hurt, but it also sets you free.

Midlife isn’t about clinging to what was; it’s about creating space for what feels true now.

 Reflection Prompt:

Where do you feel most like yourself in your friendships?

Are there places where you still feel the need to “perform” or hide parts of yourself?

What small step could you take this week to show up more authentically?

Authenticity may feel risky, but the reward is priceless: friendships that are rich, real, and rooted in truth. At this stage of life, that’s the only kind worth investing in.

 In the next blog, we’ll explore what makes a good midlife friendship — the key ingredients that keep our connections strong, joyful, and sustaining.

Sally x